by Mat Churchill


They say love conquers all, but I say love is to blame for ruining what could have been some of the greatest action movies ever.

Think about it. How many times have you walked into what you think will be an enjoyable romp of murder, blood, and dismemberment, only to gasp in horror as you catch a glimpse of the leading man and the leading woman look lovingly into each others eyes?

Here are a few examples:

Braveheart - The story of a warrior who slays people like he's slicing up a mango in order to free his country from the evil British. Great stuff. But why spend half the movie boring audiences with the lady in his life? That scene where they secretly marry in the forest made me question his commitment to killing.

In the words of Tina Turner, "what's love got to do with it?"  

Gladiator - The opening scene where the Romans are fighting the Barbarians is awesome! Mud, rain, burning arrows flying across the sky like a river of flames. What more can one ask for?

Cue the memories of his lost love and his longing for home, and we lose at least ten minutes of gore. Imagine how many more people he could have knocked off if he had've stayed focussed on the job at hand - Gladiating.

Titanic - Quite possibly the biggest offender of all. It's a story which has enthralled people across the world for nearly a century. The 'unsinkable' ship hits an iceberg while crossing the Atlantic. A lack of lifeboats contributing to the deaths of over 1,500 people.

In comes Leo and Kate and the excitement sinks faster than the boat. Isn't it bad enough we have to listen to Celine Dion belt out some of her tripe for nearly three hours? Could it be that Celine was the onboard entertainment and that's what caused people to jump for their lives into the icy waters? Although her music did give me a better understanding of what it would be like to die a horrible death.

So let's turn our attention to legendary action movies that weren't tempted by the lure of the love story, and what might have happened if they had been.

Predator - Despite some obvious editing errors such as the scene where Carl Weathers' arm gets blown off when it is quite obviously in tact and tucked behind his back, and the scene where the two guys are watching the Predator from underneath a log while the boom microphone bobs in and out of shot, this would have to be the greatest action movie of all time.

Quotes such as "There's something out there, and it ain't no man", "If it bleeds, we can kill it", and "I ain't got time to bleed" ensures this film will live on forever.

But would Predator have been such a success if Arnie and the women he drags through the forest while being chased by the aforementioned Predator snuggled up for a bit of Austrian poetry?  I think not.

Mad Max - A movie that gave us a glimpse into the future. The world's oil is running out fast causing gangs to reign supreme and leather clothing manufacturers to corner the fashion market.

However, would Mad Max have become one of the greatest Australian movies of all time if his wife hadn't have been killed off early. If she had escaped the enemy's clutches would the movie be renamed "Glad Max" where the rest of the movie sees Max and his wife having paint brush fights while they decorate the nursery?

Filmmakers take note. Sneaking a love story into what should clearly be nothing more a 90 minute killing spree will no longer be tolerated.

If I want to see a love story I'll do what any self-respecting male would do. Go to the video shop and hire Basic Instinct. 

What other movies have been ruined by love? Let us know below.