by Mat Churchill


Back by popular demand (translation, I need another whinge), it's time for me to look deep into my soul and reveal another selection of little things that get on my wick.


1. Christmas decorations and carols in November.

Legislation must be rushed through parliament that not one strip of tinsel, not one candy cane, and not one Bing Crosby 'White Christmas' rendition be thrust upon me while I'm in the supermarket. As if supermarket shopping isn't painful enough. Come 1 December, knock yourself out.


2. Being ostracised by family and friends for not being a fan of lobster.

Eating lobster is simply a vehicle for some people to elevate their social status rather than a delicious meal to be enjoyed. And don't get me started on caviar.


3. The first scene of the movie 'The Social Network' (the story of Facebook).

Is there a more annoying person than Mark Zuckerberg? How did that guy get rich off friendship?


4. Facebook.

Surely it's an anti-social network. A friend of a friend missed a mate's wedding because the invitation only went out on his Facebook page. . .apparently. What happened to the comfort one gets from listening to a voice on the other end of the line? Especially at $4.95 a minute.

5. The 'De-Fence!' chant at Cairns Taipans' home games.

I'm sure after a half of basketball hearing thousands of people screaming it out every 30 seconds, the players get the point that when the opposition get the ball they have to try and get it back somehow.

6. Supermarket receipts.

Getting a two metre long receipt after buying a carton of milk, some grapes, and the latest Girlfriend magazine. What do people do with these things?

7. Having a beard, then not having a beard.

I currently have a beard which seems to get more comments than every article I've ever written put together. "What's with the beard?", "Can't afford a razor?", "What are you, Hank Scorpio?" (see picture above). Then when the inevitable shave happens; "What happened to the beard?", "Beard fall off?", "You shoulda kept your beard!".

8. Fish and chips.

I love fish and chips! Or more accurately I love the thought of fish and chips. But after gorging myself on half a minke and two bags of fried potatoes I look at the left over paper, which has become transparent due to the oil spill of BP proportions, and feel a little off colour. As Doctor Nick says, "It's your window to weight gain."

9. Housework.

10. Travel shows.

Why would I want to sit in my lounge room for an hour and watch annoying presenters who have a better job than me (not that I'm not appreciative of my current position of course) get free stuff in a place I'd rather be (not that I'm not appreciative of my current location of course)?

By the way, how does Dermott Brereton get a job on Getaway?

So that's my whine for another couple of months, but don't fret, I've got a million of them. And I'm keen to here your little pet hates, bug bears, and any other creatures you want to get off your chest.

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