by Mat Churchill


I'm excited! I'm in the market for my first home in Port Douglas. It'll mean the end of renting and the scourge of the tyrannical landlords who look to pick holes in my bond like vultures on a carcass.

In actual fact my landlords are my virtual sister and brother in laws and are quite nice people….oh, and I didn't have to pay a bond which is most generous of them. But if I did I'm sure they'd be circling like the opportunistic scavengers I want you to think they are.

I've been told that now is the time to buy. There's a flood of two bedroom units in and around town for sale and I'm looking forward to taking advantage of my position to wreak havoc on poor hapless sellers.

The Pantera album 'Vulgar Display of Power' is blaring through my speakers as I visit the numerous real estate websites  (no one reads the paper anymore), searching for potential prey.

Truth be told it's actually my girlfriend who has done the hard work of trawling through the listings (there are some non-fiction aspects to this story if you keep reading)  and selecting the homes which look good and are within our very limited budget.

So the time has come. Appointments are made and we meet an agent at the first of our chosen 'possibles'. It's big and ugly, but it has got potential. It's close to town and the beach, has good neighbours and is in a quiet street.

We're told the seller is keen to offload the home sooner rather than later so negotiations can be as aggressive as a Pantera fan at a Katie Perry concert (that one's for you Nicky G).

The agent is refreshingly honest pointing out, not only the benefits and features of the home, but the flaws as well.

But then, like a smack in the face with a velvet sledgehammer, the agent calmly drops the body corporate fee into the conversation.

Without going into detail the yearly charge, which I'm told is used for maintenance of the pool and garden and to pay for insurance on the block of units, is higher than the value of our car (it's a nice car too).

The pool is clean and the garden is neat, but I fail to see any of rare and endangered animal species I assume the rest of the money is used to purchase. Not a panda in sight.

From one property to the next it's a similar story. Thousand of dollars to be contributed each and every year over and above an already hefty rates bill. Add to this the notoriously low wages offered in the tourism industry and it's little wonder the town's population is so transient.

Call me a tight arse if you will (some may remember my gripe at having to buy veggies as a side dish) but an extra few grand could very well mean the difference between having our own home sweet home, or continue to live under the evil dictatorship of my in-laws.

My views are no doubt tainted by the fact that, even though I don't currently pay body corporate fees as a lowly renter, I often need to engage the 4WD to get up my drive way, and accessing the pool means a three day trek with a machete in one hand and snake bite kit in the other.

There seems to be very few options but to grit our teeth hand over the cash, unless of course you're looking to buy a fully fledged house rather than a unit. 

What are your thoughts on body corporate fees? Are they over the top or am I just a stranger in a strange land?