By Will Devlin

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign
Blocking up the scenery
Breaking my mind.
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the signs?"

So sang The Five Man Electrical Band in the very early 70's. (Children of later generations won't have ANY idea where all this is headed. TFMEB was a rag tag band of Canadian musos who had very few hits in Canada, even less in the US, but had this hit song in Australia in my youth.

At the time it was just another revolutionary thumbing of the nose at conservatism and old people (which generally described anyone over about 35!) as well as a great tune and lyrics to sing and dance to and just to generally switch up the volume and confound one's parents.

Then these professionals oddly called 'researchers' started studying how many 'signs' the average motorist passed or saw 'in a day'. From memory, it was somewhere between 20,000 and 30,000 signs. Every day!

So the researchers were on to something; they became even more professional and started to do University courses that qualified them as 'demographers' who could charge even more money to give Town Planners, Advertising Agencies, Fast Food Outlets and even Governments ‘inside information’ about the 'benefits of SIGNS'!

So where's all this going?

You'll recall over the past few months there has been a groundswell of debate and general support for a School Xing in the vicinity of the Port Douglas Rd/ Ulysses Street/Agincourt Street intersection, which is currently controlled by a roundabout. Now, roundabouts are generally considered a very good means of regulating traffic flow and speeds. They can be designed, in fact, anyway the Engineers (and Bean Counters) decide, in order to achieve desired entry and exit speeds.

In their manic desire to appease the masses baying for a School Xing - for the safety of children, no less! - the boffins have instead decided that the roundabout DOESN'T achieve its desired effect of slowing traffic. So, what do we get? You guessed it - more SIGNS! 40 km/h we're now told is a safe speed to enter a roundabout where kids are walking to and from school. Of course, a 40km sign on approach MUST be accompanied by a 50 or 60km sign on the exit. So far about 10 new signs have been employed at that intersection with the desired outcome to slow traffic into, through and exiting the roundabout, and thus optimise safety for school kids going about their lawful business.

All this, because there’s some RULE that says that that intersection is “too far from the school” to warrant ‘Lollipop Attendants’.  It’s a formula destined to fail, because there’s no way to Police the speed, the local cops are too busy with DV and other matters to set-up there at the critical times, and drivers, young and old (and usually male) tend to like to try their driving skills on roundabouts.

It’ll take a very serious traffic crash at that intersection to have the boffins realise that SIGNS don’t necessarily affect driving behaviour.  You can’t SIGN your way around stupid driving behaviour!

Now, we move on to the Captain Cook Highway, upon the intersection with Port Douglas Road, with which the citizens, denizens and tourists in and around the Douglas Shire have been blessed with a roundabout of dubious and unknown origin/design.  Something to do with palm trees communing with rocks and concrete paving to acknowledge the First Australians.  Something.  But I don’t think ANYONE knows what!  But we didn’t just get the roundabout and a lovely looking garden perimeter – we also got (you guessed it) SIGNS.  Signs about this and that, signs about speed limits, where to turn to go to Port Douglas (duh!), or to proceed straight through to Mossman, Mossman Gorge, The Daintree, etc.

Oh, the SIGNS warning of speed limits.  Now these were something to behold. Heading south toward the said roundabout, near Crees Creek (where there are two signs telling the astute that it’s Crees Creek) there’s an 80 km/h speed sign; a little further south there’s a 70 speed sign, and further south still a 60 speed sign.  Trouble is, these two last signs were ‘unlawful’ and a breach of the speed couldn’t be upheld because they didn’t comply with the Law.  So, what happened? Some Rocket Surgeon at Main Roads decided to REMOVE A SIGN! A bloody marvel – we ended up with less signs!  The Five Man Electric Band would be mortified.

Oh, and just as a post script – have you ever seen a ‘GIVE WAY’ sign at a junction or intersection?  Yes? Then chances are you’ve also seen a “GIVE WAY SIGN AHEAD’ sign?  I wonder how long it will be until we see a “GIVE WAY SIGN AHEAD SIGN AHEAD” sign erected somewhere.

It only takes time.  Oh, and the suggestion!