If we look at our childhood as the foundations of a house, that is where our stability lays, our resilience from the storms of life.

I felt like someone had been on a mystery house-buying trip and handed me a squalid dump. Every room was trashed, filled with garbage, unkempt.

But I had become familiar with these surroundings, it certainly kept away anyone who may hurt me, it kept most people away really. Except the judgemental ones, whose superiority, was more about making them feel better.

What to do? I could throw around some paint, put some lino or new carpet down, jazz up the outside, tizzy myself up a bit. No one would know then, no one that did not get too close to really see the cracks.
 
Eventually those cracks would start to peep through. I could keep slapping on the next layer of carpet the next coat of paint. No one would know – except for me.

Most of us are lazy and avoidant when it comes to doing work on ourselves. We will splash on the layers of paint to make the house look good, plants in the garden, mow the lawn, and wash the car, dress to please wearing all the latest fashion, because the image that we portray becomes the most important thing.

Yet what we can’t make sense of is when we have worked really hard to get the job, buy the house car, with money in the bank, how come it doesn’t change those feelings that sit deep in our soul, those feelings of regret, guilt, and loneliness?
 
Even when standing in a room of a hundred people we still feeling totally disconnected and isolated. Those feelings can be immobilising, overwhelming and confusing.

Maybe going inward is the key, gutting the place, stripping back to the bare floor boards, restumping if you have to.
 
We do it for our houses why not for ourselves?

Levelling, laying a new foundation block, take a look and those deep cracks that went into the original foundation that has made this structure.

Sure you cannot change it, but you can reinforce it, understand it and then the cracks add character and meaning, a sense of heritage, of knowing.

Now with any renovation job, this takes time, focus, commitment and money. So it is important to look at where the cash flow is going, how much is being wasted just to compound the issues and hold us fixed, running in circles.
 
Make a plan reroute that cash flow, take control of it. Establish an account for self-actualisation.

It is also really important to draft a floor plan, so you know where you are heading. This project is really special, like working on a treasured heritage building, all care must be taken.

Start with was is easy and move to that which is difficult or start with what is difficult and move to that which is easy.

Sometimes, it is essential to seek professional advice when tackling those tricky areas. Let people know, those that can be trusted, and ask for support.

If you are hanging out with people who keep trashing your room, it is time to cull. Sometimes difficult decisions need to be make in the wake of transformation.

It is very important to stop regularly and assess, things will need to be done again and redone, like the floors. You strip off the old lino only to find another layer underneath and then a layer of crappy paint underneath that, until finally the beautiful wooden floor boards appear hidden beneath all the layers of ugliness and poor choice.

Slowly but surely, once the foundations have been assessed and realigned the structure begins to hold a sense of being, of self-regard and esteem.

A connection to self begins to emerge, one that can be trusted, relied upon and believed in.

It’s like taking ownership of the house that you built, not the one that was handed to you, constructed by others on dodgy foundations with no care and loving concern.

Then you can truly begin to nourish your own soul.

Judith Shapland