It's Friday afternoon, it has been a long week, and your probably spending too much time surfing the net rather than working.

Here's a few one-liners to get you through to 5 o'clock thanks to The Newsport reader, Tony Woodall.

1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3. Life is sexually transmitted.

4. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.