by Evan 'Buddah' Hocking

 
Well it's that time of year again, it's the festive season. That means work Christmas parties are going to kick into gear which are a great chance to let your hair down after a long hard year. And the best part is, it's all paid for by your boss!
 
But work Christmas parties can be fraught with danger.

Over excitement, free alcohol and a lack of food can be a very bad mix. Remember it took you six months to get over the embarrassment from last year's party when photos of you face down in the toilet with your leopard print g-string showing ended up all over facebook.
 
So there's a few things you have to be careful of and a few situations you should try and steer clear of this year. Here's a little crash course from me to you.
 
Prevention really is the best method, but when the booze is flowing like Mossman Gorge in wet season, you can forget about that. Let's just try and limit the damage.

Try and keep a few of these pieces of advice in the back of your mind. I know after 15 beers or four litres of champagne it's going to be hard but try your best.
 


1. DON'T GO NEAR THE PHOTOCOPIER WITH EXPOSED SKIN - Yes, it is warm on your bum cheeks and no, there's nothing funnier than a pressed ham, but not tonight.

In the morning you don't want copies of your backside stuck up all around Port Douglas, plus if you haven't been looking after yourself you might be wearing the cost of a new photocopier.
 
2. DON'T TELL YOUR BOSS WHAT YOU REALLY THINK OF THEM - No boss likes being told they're cheap and have saggy man boobs.

On the other hand if you tell your boss you'd love nothing more than to give them an all over body massage and then eat strawberries off them things are going to be very awkward.

3. GETTING NUDE IS OFF LIMITS - Keep your clothes on. As much as you think you look good naked and how much a nudie run gets the crowd behind you, forget about it. Your hung like a rogue mouse and while people are nibbling on their little meat balls they don't need to see yours.
 
4. DON'T DRINK WINE LIKE IT'S GOING OUT OF FASHION - Wine will never go out of fashion. In the morning you will feel like you've been hit by a bus and i mean that literally. Watch out for those things in Macrossan Street after the party. They fly into the bus stops and after five bottles of wine it's easy to lose sight of the gutter and control of your reflexes.

Also nothing says "i've had a bit too much" like a red wine teeth smile. Classy.
 
5. DON'T SLEEP WITH A WORK COLLEAGUE - This is the most important one. The feelings and emotions you are having at 3pm are not real and this will make things extremely uncomfortable at work.

This is because neither of you will be able to remember it, neither of you will have not idea how it happened, and neither of you will be able to explain how a cucumber ended up in the bedroom.

Too many questions and too few answers.
 
That last piece of advice brings to an end my Christmas party crash course. Enjoy the next few weeks, stay safe and remember "IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME."
 
PS. If your boss doesn't respect what you do for the company and you get paid like your working in an overseas cotton factory disregard everything i've just told you.